A few years ago, after my father died, I wanted to walk in front of a bus.

It wasn’t a good time in my life, and my health, my mental state, and my mood reflected that. I was overweight, overwhelmed, often drunk, and very sad. The moment I decided to end it came quickly and passed just as quickly. I knew I couldn’t do that to my family or to myself, and in my mind I would have completely ruined that poor bus driver’s month. I knew I wasn’t that kind of person.

So I got psychiatric help. I started taking Pristiq, a numbing pill that helped me gain even more weight and gave me painful zaps when I tried to get off it, a side effect that is rarely discussed but familiar to the SSRI crowd. Basically, the pills made sure I’d keep taking them.

One November evening, I was sitting with a good friend, Greg Ferenstein. I had a beer in front of me, and he had tea. I was amazed, first by his self-control, and second by how happy he was. This guy had long been an interesting character in my life, someone who was constantly striving and seemed driven by something he didn’t fully understand. Now, sitting in this strange bar, he was healthy and happy and smiling.

“You’re coming with me to a session,” he said.

I asked what kind.

“Mushrooms,” he said.

I hated the idea. I didn’t want to be trapped in a room with a bunch of weirdos while they sang songs and listened to techno. I wanted to sit with my beer, my thoughts, and my mourning. I wanted to add more and more weight, more and more sadness, more and more booze, hatred, and anger. I definitely didn’t want any mushrooms.

That first trip I took with Greg set me on a new path. A second trip helped me kick the antidepressants. Subsequent trips helped me understand myself better, reduced my anxiety, and showed me a clear path out of sorrow. It hasn’t always been easy, and I won’t claim I’m cured, but if I hadn’t seen Greg on that cold night, I don’t know where I’d be today.

After writing Shroomies and thinking about the ways I could help people like myself, I decided to build something for people who don’t know where to start when it comes to psychedelic experiences. It’s called TripSitter.cc, and it’s a service for shamans, counsellors, psychologists, and others who can find and help people like you and me.

The app is up and running, and I already have nearly 50 providers from around the world. My goal is to make this your first and last stop when you’re trying to find a psychedelic services provider, whether it’s someone who holds space with you on your couch or an integration specialist who knows how to turn a bad trip into a learning experience. It’s a labour of love, although I do charge providers a small amount for vetting and profile management.

I’d love for you to try it out and tell me what you think. Where should I focus my signup efforts so I can make the app more useful in your geographic location? What do you want to do in an app like this? Schedule appointments? Do a video call? What would help you the most?

Visit TripSitter

Most of all, please just sign up. It will give the providers a sense of forward momentum, and it will help grow the community. A tool like this is missing, and I think it’s vital. I hope it can help you.

A few years ago, I wanted to be gone. Now I want to stay. I attribute that to good people who helped me through a lot of bad stuff, and I want to share that experience with you. Please give it a try and report back. I’m eager to hear what you think.